Colin Farrell / Scissor Sisters
December 11, 2004

[COLD OPENING] Donald Rumsfeld's Kuwait meeting


· Darrell's Rumsfeld impression.

· Finesse as the soldier without pants.

· Rumsfeld's poor excuses as for why the soldiers can't use the armor.

· Rachel as the kidnapped Canadian citizen.



· None.



· What the heck happened to the camera at the beginning of the sketch? When it first showed Parnell, it did this weird skipping thing and showed multiple outlines of his head. It looked weird.


Grade: B



[MONOLOGUE] Colin Farrell's pick-up tips for the male cast


· Seth's comment about Horatio being a virgin.

· All the guys unsuccessfully trying to hit on Lindsay Lohan.



· None.


Grade: B



[COMMERCIAL] Turlington's Lower Back Tattoo Remover

· Rerun from last season. We're still pretty early into this current season, so why have there been so few new commercials? I think the last new one was the Dyson Toilets ad in the Jude Law episode all the way back from October.



[SKETCH] Giant Roach Problem


· Colin getting squirted by the roach goo when he squishes it.

· Colin spraying the roach, and Horatio's reaction to it.



· Basically just a knock-off of the hilarious giant parrot sketch from the Liam Neeson episode (even the set-up at the beginning when Colin and Amy entered the apartment was the same) and this was nowhere near as funny as that sketch.

· The ending was just weird.



· Who were all the actors playing the other three roaches at the end? I only recognized Kenan.


Grade: C-



[SKETCH] Show Biz Grande Explosion


· I always love Fericito and this talk show sketch is a great format to show off this character.

· The banter between Fred and Horatio.

· Colin's Bono impression was dead-on.

· Fericito showing off his cheap iPod.



· Why didn't they do a desk segment with Fericito between his monologue and when the first guest came out? In the other two Show Biz Grande sketches, he did the Headlines and Jaywalking parodies for the desk segments. Maybe they ran out of Leno segments to make fun of.


Grade: B+



[NEXT WEEK] December 18, 2004: Robert DeNiro 

· Why the heck are they bringing him back after his awful job hosting last time, and after he was supposedly difficult for the cast and crew to work with? He's unquestionably an excellent actor in films, but he proved that he can't do live sketch comedy. The writing itself wasn’t good on his last show, either. It was just filled with one-joke sketches with DeNiro as a tough guy, and there were no clever parodies of his classic films. I’m not looking forward to another half-assed performance from him, but I’ll try to have some hope that he’ll at least give a little effort on the show this time.



[SKETCH] Seductive Body Search


· Rachel's comment at the beginning about checking for explosives in her wig.

· The ending with Rob telling Colin to take off his pants and suck his thumb.



· This was predictable and got old after a while, and SNL once again tonight rips itself off. They did a sketch almost exactly like this with Sharon Stone in the early 90’s, only the genders were reversed here and the original was much funnier.


Grade: C-






[WEEKEND UPDATE] Fey & Poehler, Brett Hull, Lindsay Lohan, Colin Farrell


· Tina's Jason Giambi joke.

· Brett Hull's cameo was nice and his commentary had a lot of funny and clever lines.

· Tina's Dazed and Confused joke.

· Tina's Mel Gibson joke.

· Colin Farrell's double entendre commentary on "Alexander".



· Amy's Bush/Superman joke.

· Amy's Hamid Karzai joke.

· The Bill O'Reilly bit. Not as funny as Tina's last rant about O'Reilly.


Grade: C



[SKETCH] Key Party


· Horatio was hilarious.

· Lots of funny little details with each character, like Fred's weird head nod whenever he said his name, Parnell changing the pronunciation of his name each time for some reason, Forte always saying his name with a macho voice, and Tina's facial expression the whole time.



· Started to get a little repetitive toward the end.


Grade: B+



[SKETCH] Scaffold Filming


· None.



· This was just dumb and had no real point or funny parts. A waste of time.


Grade: F



[SKETCH] Pat 'N Patti's Slacks, Snacks, & Knick Knack Shack


· None.



· Why are they doing this again? These sketches are just corny, annoying, and get no laughs. Another waste of time.


Grade: F






[SKETCH] Merv the Perv


· Good to see Parnell doing this character again.

· Colin as Steve the Skeeve was a good new twist to the sketch.

· Many funny lines, especially the wrong but hilarious joke about having a three-way with the pregnant lady.



· None.


Grade: B+




· And just when I thought Colin might actually get through the whole 90 minutes without slipping in a cuss word. You can see Kenan standing in the back, and the look on his face after Colin's s-bomb was hilarious.




Overall Episode Grade: C


Overall Highlights:

· Donald Rumsfeld's Kuwait meeting.

· Show Biz Grande Explosion.

· The Brett Hull and Colin Farrell commentaries on Weekend Update.

· Horatio's performance in Key Party.

· Merv the Perv.


Overall Lowlights:

· Giant Roach Problem.

· Seductive Body Search.

· Scaffold Filming.

· Pat N Patti's Slacks, Snacks, & Knick Knack Shack.


Best Lines:

· Rob Riggle as soldier: "Suppose we just borrow the armor plating, and then after the mission--"

Darrell Hammond as Donald Rumsfeld: (smiling) "C'mon, now... Don't make me have you shot!"


· Amy Poehler: (to Brett Hull) "Brett, you're Canadian. What do you think of this new gay marriage law passing in Canada?" 

Brett Hull: "Well, that's what happens in Canada when there's no hockey."


· Tina Fey: "Andy Slater, Rick Floyd, and Bobby Wooderson are suing filmmaker Richard Linklater for defamation for using their names for three stoner characters in the 1993 movie Dazed and Confused. The three might not have much of a case, though, since they apparently watched the movie for 11 years without recognizing their own names."


· Tina Fey: "It was reported that Mel Gibson is buying a private 5,000 acre island in Fiji with $15 million. Not having any Jews around: priceless."


· Chris Parnell as Merv the Perv: (to a pregnant woman): "If that's a little lady you got in there, then I'm workin' on my first three-way."


· Chris Parnell as Merv the Perv: (pointing inside the front of his pants) "Three solid inches of hairless, wrinkled pleasure with your name on it."



ARMISEN: 4 sketches (Monologue / Show Biz Grande Explosion / Seductive Body Search / Key Party)

DRATCH: 4 sketches (Donald Rumsfeld’s Kuwait meeting / Seductive Body Search / Key Party / Merv the Perv)

FEY: 2 sketches (Weekend Update / Key Party)

FORTE: 3 sketches (Donald Rumsfeld’s Kuwait meeting / Key Party / Scaffold Filming)

HAMMOND: 1 sketch (Donald Rumsfeld’s Kuwait meeting)

MEYERS: 3 sketches (Monologue / Key Party / Merv the Perv)

PARNELL: 4 sketches (Donald Rumsfeld’s Kuwait meeting / Turlington’s Lower Back Tattoo Remover / Key Party / Merv the Perv)

POEHLER: 6 sketches (Turlington’s Lower Back Tattoo Remover / Giant Roach Problem / Seductive Body Search / Weekend Update / Key Party / Merv the Perv)

RUDOLPH: 4 sketches (Turlington’s Lower Back Tattoo Remover / Scaffold Filming / Pat ‘N Patti’s Slacks, Snacks, & Knick Knack Shack / Merv the Perv)

SANZ: 5 sketches (Monologue / Giant Roach Problem / Show Biz Grande Explosion / Key Party / Pat ‘N Patti’s Slacks, Snacks, & Knick Knack Shack)

MITCHELL: 3 sketches (Donald Rumsfeld’s Kuwait meeting / Monologue / Seductive Body Search)

RIGGLE: 2 sketches (Donald Rumsfeld’s Kuwait meeting / Seductive Body Search)

THOMPSON: 3 sketches (Donald Rumsfeld’s Kuwait meeting / Giant Roach Problem / Scaffold Filming)


Amy and Horatio stood out the most tonight. The overall best performer of the night was Horatio.