Jude Law / Ashlee Simpson
October 23, 2004

[COLD OPENING] Hardball with Chris Matthews



· All the guests' crazy comments and Darrell's insults.

· Amy's "lesbian" talk.

· Forte was hilarious as Zell Miller and I love how red his face kept getting during his angry rants. I knew Forte would be the perfect person to play Zell Miller if SNL ever made fun of him.



· None.


Grade: A+



[MONOLOGUE] Jude Law's good looks


· The "about to be screwed" rhyme.

· The Hey, Jude reference.



· Ashlee Simpson's part.


Grade: B



[SKETCH] Green Screen Movie Filming


· All the cheesy cheap effects.

· Jude having to bite at the fireball.

· Forte as the green screen monster.



· None.


Grade: B+ 



[COMMERCIAL] Dyson Toilets


· The concept itself was pretty funny.

· Fred using the ravioli to demonstrate.



· Not as funny as it could've been and was too much like those Jonathan Pryce toilet commercials Mike Myers did in the early 90's.


Grade: C



[NEXT WEEK] October 30, 2004: Kate Winslet



[SKETCH] The Presidential Debates


· Forte, Seth, and Parnell's usual good Bush, Kerry, and Lehrer impressions.

· Forte's delivery of the word "exaggerations".

· A few good lines.



· Like the last two Bush/Kerry debate sketches, this dragged too much.

· The Mary Cheney lesbian references. I know Kerry did that at the real debates, but after Amy basically did the same thing in the cold opening tonight and did it funnier, this paled in comparison.

· Overall, it's safe to say that the presidential debate sketches this season have been a bust.  Just sad.  These don't hold a CANDLE to the brilliant debate sketches from the last elections with Bush and Gore in 2000.  What happened???


Grade: C



[SKETCH] Paris Hilton Apologizes


· Jude as Nicky Hilton.

· Maya's Paris Hilton impression.

· The list of black celebrities Paris thinks is "hot".



· Seemed a little too much like this was trying to copy that hilarious Jessica Simpson/Nick Lachey sketch from last season’s Justin Timberlake episode (both sketches even had the male host in drag), and this wasn’t quite as funny as that.


Grade: B






[WEEKEND UPDATE] Fey & Poehler, The Ghost of Babe Ruth


· The Fidel Castro joke.

· Tina's black voters joke.

· Amy's Bill O Reilly joke.

· Amy's terror level joke.

· The Shield bit.



· Tina's first two Kerry jokes.

· Amy's Martha Stewart joke.

· The Babe Ruth segment was dumb and just seemed like an excuse to have Horatio do his usual bad Update bit.


Grade: B-



[SKETCH] President Bush and Tony Blair press conference


· Jude was great as Tony Blair.

· Forte calling Tony Blair "T-Bone".

· Forte telling Jude how to pronounce "nuclear".

· Forte coughing to secretly tell Jude about lowering taxes.



· A few parts dragged.


Grade: B



[SKETCH] Donald Trump's Halloween Apprentice promo


· This was hilarious and one of the funniest sketches of the season so far. So much funny stuff here.

· Darrell lifelessly reading the "boo hoo hoo, ha ha ha".

· Just the visual of Darrell as Trump wearing that Dracula cape.



· None.


Grade: A+



[SKETCH] Jane Eyre


· Rachel talking about her plainness.

· Maya's part.

· Jude's line about his wife doing things he doesn't want to do with Rachel.



· Could've been a little funnier.


Grade: B-




· BUSTED!! And then she just ran off-stage and they had to cut to commercial early... Hi-fucking-larious! I think we just found our official Funniest TV Moment of 2004, as well as one of the biggest fuck-ups in the history of SNL.



[FILM] Bear City


· At least this was short.



· The usual bad SNL short film. They haven't made a good short in a long time.


Grade: D-



[SKETCH] The Adventures of Peter O'Toole & Michael Caine


· A funny bizarre sketch and a good sketch for late in the show.

· The "Guess the Accent" part.

· Kenan being mistaken for Othello.



· None.


Grade: B



[FILM] Bear City


· None.



· Man, another one of these? This was even worse than the first one. They're obviously trying to fill up time due to the musical performance mishap, because I'm sure this otherwise would've been cut after dress. 


Grade: F




· Are you kidding me, Ashlee?  Blaming your band for the incident?  Riiiiight, it was THEIR fault that we heard you singing the wrong song when your mouth was closed.  Okay...




Overall Episode Grade: B-


Overall Highlights:

· Jude Law did a good job as host.

· Hardball.

· Green Screen Movie Filming.

· Donald Trump's Halloween Apprentice promo.

· The Ashlee Simpson musical performance fuck-up, if only because we may have just witnessed on live TV the end of her career.


Overall Lowlights:

· Ashlee Simpson in the monologue. Though at least her other two sketches got cut after dress, but I wouldn't be surprised if at least one of those sketches was scheduled to air after her second musical performance and had to get cut at the last minute for obvious reasons.

· Dyson Toilets.

· The Babe Ruth segment on Weekend Update.

· The Bear City films.


Best Lines:

· Darrell Hammond as Chris Matthews: "Now Kerry's creeping up behind Bush like Kobe Bryant backstage at the Teens Choice Awards."


· Amy Poehler as Mary Beth Cahill: "Mary Cheney's a hardcore carpet cleaner, and her dad is a big old fatty boombalatty."


· Chris Parnell as Jim Lehrer: "I'll be your moderator tonight, filling in for Geraldo Rivera, who's still recovering from his shoulder injury he received in debate number six."


· Seth Meyers as John Kerry: "If tax increases are necessary to provide vaccine, this is one lesbian who says it's well worth it."


· Tina Fey: "Election offices across Florida last Monday opened to give black voters the option of being turned away early."


· Amy Poehler: "Because of the controversy surrounding accusations that he harassed a former colleague, Bill O'Reilly cancelled a number of TV interviews intended to promote his new children’s book, ‘Curious Engorged’.”


· Ashlee Simpson, during the goodnights: "My band started playing the wrong song and I didn't know what to do, so I thought I'd do a hoe-down."



ARMISEN: 2 sketches (Dyson Toilets / President Bush and Tony Blair press conference)

DRATCH: 5 sketches (Jude Law’s good looks / Green Screen Movie Filming / Paris Hilton Apologizes / Weekend Update / Jane Eyre / The Adventures of Peter O’Toole & Michael Caine)

FEY: 2 sketches (Jude Law’s good looks / Weekend Update)

FORTE: 4 sketches (Hardball with Chris Matthews / Green Screen Movie Filming / The Presidential Debates / President Bush and Tony Blair press conference)

HAMMOND: 2 sketches (Hardball with Chris Matthews / Donald Trump’s Halloween Apprentice promo)

MEYERS: 5 sketches (Hardball with Chris Matthews / Green Screen Movie Filming / The Presidential Debates / Donald Trump’s Halloween Apprentice promo / The Adventures of Peter O’Toole & Michael Caine)

PARNELL: 1 sketch (The Presidential Debates)

POEHLER: 5 sketches (Hardball with Chris Matthews / Jude Law’s good looks / Green Screen Movie Filming / Weekend Update / President Bush and Tony Blair press conference)

RUDOLPH: 3 sketches (Jude Law’s good looks / Paris Hilton Apologizes / Jane Eyre) 

SANZ: 1 sketch (Weekend Update)

MITCHELL: 1 sketch (President Bush and Tony Blair press conference)

RIGGLE: 2 sketches (President Bush and Tony Blair press conference / The Adventures of Peter O’Toole & Michael Caine)

THOMPSON: 1 sketch (The Adventures of Peter O’Toole & Michael Caine)


Seth stood out the most tonight. The overall best performers were Seth and Forte.