Dan Aykroyd / Beyonce
May 17, 2003

This will be Tracy and Kattan's last episode. I can't say that I'll miss Kattan one bit. If this was the 2000-2001 season finale, then maybe. For the last two seasons, most of the stuff he's done have been either forgettable, annoying, and/or unoriginal, and even the few highlights he's had since then haven't been enough to make up for that. I'm glad he's finally leaving. Tracy, on the other hand, I'm going to miss. He's been great this season, with his increased screen time, his ability to steal sketches, and his natural funniness. He's really come a long way from his first 4 seasons where he was really underused. Even in the episodes this season where he only appeared in 1 sketch, it was still usually a big role, as opposed to the small parts he always got in his first few seasons. I'm sad to see him leaving, but at the same time, I'm glad he's leaving out on top.


I wonder how much annoying Kattan characters we have to deal with tonight. He should just do his few good recent recurring stuff like Rialto Grande, a terrible re-enactment on Update, a Christmas Time is Here song, maybe one original main role (that's hopefully not a gay role or a bizarre date sketch) and have the rest of his appearances be supporting roles. No Mango, Peepers, etc. We'll see




(COLD OPENING) "Hardball"


- Yes! The usual kick-ass Hardball sketch. I had a feeling we'd see this tonight.

- Good to see Aykroyd in the opening.

- Darrell's call to the loony bin.


- None.

Additional Notes:

- None.




(MONOLOGUE) Dan Aykroyd & Jim Belushi sing


- The musical was nice and well-done.


- None.

Additional Notes:

- None.




(SKETCH) "Top O' The Morning"


- This was a lot better than usual.

- The Colin Farrell bit at the beginning.

- The black-eye flashback.

- The long line of kids was funny.

- The Julio joke.


- None.

Additional Notes:

- None.




(SKETCH) Rialto Grande


- Good to see them do a final one of this before Kattan leaves.

- The usual sketch-stealing parts with Mackey.

- Aykroyd's character was good.


- None.

Additional Notes:

- None.




(SKETCH) "The Falconer"


- A was a little worried at first about them bringing this back so soon after it was done 2 episodes ago, but this was still as good as usual.

- John Goodman's cameo.

- The sight of the falcon puppet giving the bikers the finger, and then beating them up.


- None.

Additional Notes:

- I'm not surprised to see Goodman tonight, though it took a while to recognize him under that beard and sunglasses.




(TV FUNHOUSE) "Cokee, the most expensive dog in the world"


- A few funny lines.


- This was weak and way below Smigel's standards.

Additional Notes:

- None.




(SKETCH) "Donatella Versace Backyard Barbeque"


- Jeff's David Letterman impression.

- Goodman as Anna Nicole Smith was hilarious!


- The usual weak parts with Versace.

Additional Notes:

- None.





No comment.




(WEEKEND UPDATE) Fallon & Fey, Drunk Girl, Chris Kattan


- Tina's Fahnestock joke.

- Jimmy's Carol Channing joke.

- Tina's American Idol joke.

- I'm glad they did a little something different with Drunk Girl, and her flashing Jimmy was hilarious.

- Tina's New Jersey Park joke.

- Jimmy's homeless man joke.

- This was the best way for Kattan to reprise all his characters tonight - in one quick Terrible Re-Enactment bit, instead of spreading them all throughout the episode in sketches.


- What was with the mock phone call part of Tina's reporter scandal joke?

- The Flight Club joke.

Additional Notes:

- None.




(SKETCH) "Astronaut Jones"


- The theme song is always funny and catchy.

- The different punchline was great and a good way for Astronaut Jones to go out.


- None.

Additional Notes:

- None.




(SKETCH) La Cusina Canina


- A creative and hilarious sketch, and everyone was funny acting like dogs.

- Goodman humping Tina.

- The smoking ban parody at the end.


- None.

Additional Notes:

- None.





No comment.




(SKETCH/COMMERCIAL) "Dr. Deacon's Haunch Crack Powder"


- A very good closing bit.

- Aykroyd pouring the powder down his pants.

- The scented paste coil.


- None.

Additional Notes:

- None.





Wow, Tracy looked really sad about his departure. So sad, that he even held his goodbye sign upside down at first... Oops!! And supposedly, that was Kattan's father during the goodnights and as the man in the audience in Rialto Grande. If it's true, then it was nice that he was there.





Not bad at all, and a good way for the season to end. In fact, I'd put this as the 2nd best episode of the season, right under the Walken episode. Dan Aykroyd was as great as expected. I'm disappointed, though, that the final Christmas Time is Here song was cut (maybe they ran out of time and had to cut it at the last minute) and Tracy wasn't in more sketches, but he was still great in his two appearances and Astronaut Jones was a good enough final sketch for him. I'll miss him, and I admit Kattan also did well tonight. And I'm glad that Baby K and The Leather Man crap got cut.


Overall Highlights of Tonight's Episode:

- Dan Aykroyd as the host.

- John Goodman's appearances.

- Hardball.

- Top O' The Morning.

- The Falconer.

- Jeff's David Letterman impression.

- Astronaut Jones.

- La Cusina Canina.

- This is just minor, but I really liked the bumper pictures with Aykroyd, especially the ones with him looking at a photo of the original cast, and the one with the old SNL logo.


Overall Lowlights:

- TV Funhouse.

- No Christmas Time is Here song and Tracy should've been in more sketches.


Funniest Moment:

- John Goodman as Anna Nicole Smith


Best Lines:

- Darrell Hammond as Chris Matthews: "I haven't seen a guy this cocky since Ruben from 'American Idol' at a waffle-eating contest!"

- Dan Aykroyd as Andrew Card: "The democrats' biggest problem is that no one recognizes their candidates. They need someone who's universally adored. The only shot they have is to lower the voting age to 6 and nominate Spongebob Squarepants."

- Chris Parnell as Sen. Rick Santorum: "I have no problem with gay people. I like Liberace. I like George Michael. I even like the gay Teletubby. I don't like it when Liberace, George Michael, and the gay Teletubby have sex with each other."

- Chris Parnell as Sen. Rick Santorum: "All I'm asking for is every American male to get a tattoo on his fanny that reads 'Exit only'."

- Seth Meyers as William Fitzpatrick: "Today's show is brought to you by 'Colin Farrell's Anti-Bacterial Cream'."
Jimmy Fallon as Patrick Fitzwilliam: "You put it on when you can't remember 
where you put it last night."

- Jimmy Fallon as Patrick Fitzwilliam: "William, I thought I told ya I hate it when you bring your family over. It's like you're related to 'Darby O'Gill and the Little People'!"

- Tina Fey: "This week, 60-year-old church worker Mimi Fahnestock reveals that she had an affair with President Kennedy when she was a 19-year-old White House intern. In a less-publicized story, 51-year-old Margaret Wallinback said she used to masturbate to thoughts of Richard Nixon."

- Jimmy Fallon: "Carol Channing, the 82-year-old actress best known for her work in 'Hello Dolly', married her 83-year-old childhood sweetheart. The wedding was reportedly tasteful and classy, and the honeymoon was disgusting."

- Tina Fey: "Plans are in the works to transform the Meadowlands in Hackensack, New Jersey into an ecological preserve that would be 10 times the size of Central Park. This will finally give Guidoes the chance to run free in their natural habitat."

- Jimmy Fallon: "Congratulations to Oklahoma State University's oldest graduate this spring. 62-year-old Steven Baker Little, former alcoholic homeless man, was earned a degree in English. Ironically, in today's job market, an English degree best qualifies a person to become an alcoholic homeless man."

- Tracy Morgan: "Cut the crap, Maya, you know I've been wantin' to get you pregnant!"



DRATCH: 2 sketches (Rialto Grande; La Cusina Canina)

FALLON: 3 sketches (Top O' The Morning; Rialto Grande; Weekend Update)

FEY: 3 sketches (Rialto Grande; Weekend Update; La Cusina Canina)

HAMMOND: 3 sketches (Hardball; TV Funhouse; La Cusina Canina)

KATTAN: 3 sketches (Rialto Grande; Weekend Update; La Cusina Canina)

MORGAN: 2 sketches (Hardball; Astronaut Jones)

PARNELL: 3 sketches (Hardball; Weekend Update; La Cusina Canina)

POEHLER: 4 sketches (Rialto Grande; The Falconer; TV Funhouse; La Cusina Canina)

RUDOLPH: 5 sketches (Rialto Grande; The Falconer; Donatella Versace Backyard Barbeque; Astronaut Jones; La Cusina Canina)

SANZ: 1 sketch (The Falconer)

ARMISEN: 1 sketch (Rialto Grande)

EDWARDS: 1 sketch (La Cusina Canina)

FORTE: 1 sketch (The Falconer)

MEYERS: 2 sketches (Top O' The Morning; La Cusina Canina)

RICHARDS: 4 sketches (The Falconer; Donatella Versace Backyard Barbeque; Weekend Update; La Cusina Canina)




The 2002-2003 Season overall:

This season overall was nothing special, and a step down from the last few seasons. A majority of the episodes were either average or mediocre, and there weren't many stand-out great episodes. In a way, this reminds me of the 93-94 season, and I hope that doesn't mean next season is the next 94-95. Hopefully things will improve instead.


Top 5 Best Episodes:

1. Christopher Walken/Foo Fighters

2. Dan Aykroyd/Beyonce

3. Nia Vardalos/Eve

4. Al Gore/Phish

5. Ray Liotta/The Donnas


Top 5 Worst Episodes:

1. Eric McCormack/Jay-Z

2. Sarah Michelle Gellar/Faith Hill

3. Jennifer Garner/Beck

4. Jeff Gordon/Avril Lavigne

5. Adrien Brody/Sean Paul, Wayne Wonder


Best Hosts:

1. Christopher Walken

2. Dan Aykroyd

3. Nia Vardalos

4. Ray Romano

5. (tie) Matthew McConaughey / Queen Latifah


Worst Hosts:

1. Robert DeNiro

2. Brittany Murphy

3. Jeff Gordon


Top 10 Best Sketches:

1. Hardball

2. Celebrity Game

3. Colonel Angus

4. Al Gore visits "The West Wing"

5. McCain Sings Streisand

6. The Fun Friend Club

7. (tie) Brain Busters / Star Dates

8. (tie) Jealous Husband in a Box / Pranksters

9. Profiles in Jazz

10. CNN Update with Aaron Brown


Top 10 Worst Sketches:

1. Subway Fred rehashes

2. Gary's Fish Tanks

3. The Leather Man

4. Gay soap opera actor

5. Dentist Fantasy

6. Santa and Elf argument

7. Club Traxx (from 4.12.03)

8. (tie) Saddam's Meeting / Baby K on BET

9. Second Time Around

10. Michael Jackson in a Tree


Top 5 Best Cold Openings:

1. Hardball

2. Adam Sandler's Hanukkah Song

3. President Bush's Press Conference

4. A Message from President Bush (from 11.9.02 and 4.5.03)

5. Al & Tipper Gore make out


Top 5 Worst Cold Openings:

1. A Message from Saddam Hussein

2. A Message from President Bush (from 10.12.02 and 2.15.03)

3. A Message from Kim Jong Il

4. U.N. Security Council

5. Donald Rumsfeld's Press Briefing


Top 5 Best Monologues:

1. Bernie Mac

2. The Kingdom of Latifah

3. East Coast vs. West Coast castmembers

4. Ray Romano

5. Al Gore chooses his running mate


Top 5 Worst Monologues:

1. Eric McCormack dispels the gay rumors

2. Jeff Gordon speaks to his NASCAR fans

3. The male cast sings to Salma Hayek

4. Sarah Michelle Gellar offends vampires in the audience

5. Adrien Brody wishes a Happy Mother's Day


Top 5 Best Commercials:

1. Global Century Investments

2. Joe Millionaire parodies

3. Trans American Airlines

4. NRA ads

5. (tie) Pier 1 / Welcome Back, Potter


Top 5 Worst Commercials:

1. Swiffer Sleepers

2. Count Chocula Silver

3. Corona ads

4. Talarico/Frankel campaign ads

5. Vote Frida ads


Top 3 Best TV Funhouse cartoons:

1. A Peanuts Christmas

2. Saddam and Osama

3. Are You Hot?


Top 3 Worst TV Funhouse cartoons:

1. Cokee, the most expensive dog in the world

2. The X-Presidents

3. The Smurfette Show


Top 3 Best Weekend Updates:

1. Fallon & Fey, Fericito & Lupe, Avril Lavigne, Gollum (from 3.15.03)

2. Fallon & Fey, Seth Meyers (from 11.9.02)

3. Fallon & Fey, Joseph Jackson, Patrick & Gunther Kelly (from 2.8.03)


Top 3 Worst Weekend Updates:

1. Fallon & Fey, Gene Shalit, Baby K (from 11.2.02)

2. Fallon & Fey, Seth Meyers, Iraqi Minister of Information (from 4.12.03)

3. Fallon & Fey, Whitney Houston & Bobby Brown, The Feinblatts (from 12.7.02)


Top 5 Funniest Single Moments:

1. Rachel tears down a house in anger over losing a game

2. Forte sings "Give Up the Ham"

3. Fred as the Kid in the Fedora.

4. Jim Carrey makes a brief cameo, playing his leg with the Foo Fighters.

5. Jeff as Gary Busey.


The Cast:



Best Performance: as angry game-loser in Celebrity Game

Runner-Up: as Maria in The Fun Friend Club


Worst Performance: as Sylvia Feinblatt on Weekend Update

Runner-Up: as Helen Thomas in President Bush's Press Conference





Best Performance: as man in Two-Faced Date

Runner-Up: as Jonathan in Jealous Husband in a Box


Worst Performance: as repairman in Gary's Fish Tanks

Runner-Up: as The Leather Man





Best Performance: 3.15.03 Weekend Update

Runner-Up: as Joe Dude


Worst Performance: 1.18.03 Weekend Update

Runner-Up: 2.22.03 Weekend Update





Best Performance: as Chris Matthews in Hardball

Runner-Up: as Aaron Brown in CNN Update


Worst Performance: as Colin Powell in U.N. Security Council

Runner-Up: as Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf on Weekend Update





Best Performance: as Buddy Mills in Rialto Grande

Runner-Up: as Leslie in Leslie's Bedtime Story


Worst Performance: as Gay Soap Opera Actor

Runner-Up: as dentist in Dentist Fantasy





Best Performance: as Judge Horace

Runner-Up: as himself in Ashton Kutcher Gets Punk'd


Worst Performance: as P. Diddy in Versace Pockets

Runner-Up: as spokesperson in Stripper Pole





Best Performance: as Peter Burke in Global Century Investments

Runner-Up: as himself in East Coast vs. West Coast castmembers


Worst Performance: as Trevor the Broadway Guy on Weekend Update

Runner-Up: as Moe in The Three Stooges 75th Anniversary





Best Performance: as Kelly Ripa in Live with Regis and Kelly

Runner-Up: (tie) as Avril Lavigne on Weekend Update / as herself in East Coast vs. West Coast Castmembers


Worst Performance: as Amber in The Bachelor

Runner-Up: as employee in Wal-Mart Gals





Best Performance: as Scott Joplin in Tennis Talk

Runner-Up: (tie) as Christina Aguilera on Weekend Update / as Sally Hemmings in Thomas Jefferson's Got Jungle Fever


Worst Performance: as co-host in Club Traxx

Runner-Up: as Glenda Goodwin in Second Time Around





Best Performance: as Rosie O'Donnell in Versace Pockets

Runner-Up: as contestant in Brain Busters


Worst Performance: as repairman in Gary's Fish Tanks

Runner-Up: (tie) as Gene Shalit on Weekend Update / as Saddam Hussein





Best Performance: as Fericito on Weekend Update and John McCain's monologue

Runner-Up: as Mackey the Drummer in Rialto Grande


Worst Performance: as Leonard in Club Traxx from 4.12.03

Runner-Up: None.





Best Performance: as Don Cheadle in African American Archives and Superbowl ad

Runner-Up: as Michael Jackson in Versace from 3.15.03


Worst Performance: as Redman in Making the Video: Christina Aguilera

Runner-Up: Nothing, really, because he rarely gets anything noticeable to do.





Best Performance: as Tim Calhoun on Weekend Update

Runner-Up: (tie) as Ray in Jealous Husband in a Box / as clerk in Give Up the Ham


Worst Performance: None. He's probably the best and most consistent overall performer of the season. And this was only his first season, so that's really impressive!





Best Performance: as Sean in What's the Rush?

Runner-Up: (tie) as Zack Ricky in Pranksters / as the Dell Computer Kid on Weekend Update


Worst Performance: as himself on the 4.12.03 Weekend Update

Runner-Up: as carpet salesman in Career Day





Best Performance: as Gary Busey in Star Dates

Runner-Up: as Dustin Hoffman on Weekend Update


Worst Performance: as Baby K on Weekend Update and BET

Runner-Up: as Michael Moore on Donahue




And to take up even more unnecessary space...


Best Line from each episode:

10.5.02 -- Fred Armisen in his debut as Fericito: "I'm just keeding!"


10.12.02 -- Maya Rudolph as voice-over: "Saddam, America is pissed off. Maybe not at you, but you'll do."


10.19.02 -- Will Forte as Tim Calhoun: "If you must know, I've had some babies. Mainly by black ladies. But some by white, and a China baby..."


11.2.02 -- Rachel Dratch as woman: "Who the balls put Mendelson?!?"


11.9.02 -- Darrell Hammond as Dan Rather: "That boy's cooler than Sister Mary Margaret's nipples on a cold winter's morning."


11.16.02 -- Jimmy Fallon: "Richard Gere and his longtime love have wed, so congratulations to Richard and Nibbles!"


12.7.02 -- Jim Downey as voice-over: "Scientific studies suggest that excessive consumption of food may cause weight gain. In other words, if you stuff your greasy pie hole nonstop, you're probably going to pork up."


12.14.02 -- Darrell Hammond as Chris Matthews: "Senator [Trent Lott], you're shedding a lot of light on the situation... Unfortunately, the light's coming from a cross you just set on fire!"


1.11.03 -- Tracy Morgan as Joe Caucasian: "I'm gonna get all these white chicks pregnant."


1.18.03 -- Will Forte as Tim Calhoun: "Horsey sex is bad. I want to make a law against that. Horseys are for riding."


2.8.03 -- Chris Parnell as protester: "Legalize porn!"
Matthew McConaughey as protest leader: "Sir, it already IS legal, okay?"
Chris Parnell as protester: "Not the kind I like...."


2.15.03 -- Tina Fey: "As part of a mass pet wedding ceremony in Thailand, Guy, a chicken, married Guk, a rooster. For the record, on their wedding night, the chicken came first."


2.22.03 -- Rachel Dratch as old lady: "I myself never much cared for 'Colonel Angus'. He rubbed me the wrong way."


3.8.03 -- Jim Downey as announcer: "You're watching A&E, which means you're old, or you're asleep and accidentally rolled over onto the remote control."


3.15.03 -- Tina Fey: "We're the fattest country in the world. Have you ever walked around an American mall? It's nothing but Chick-Fil-A's and Lane Bryant track suits busting at the seams!"


4.5.03 -- Tina Fey: "Kelly Carpenter, Rosie O'Donnell's life partner, has legally changed her name to O'Donnell. She celebrated by eating out."


4.12.03 -- Fred Armisen as Uday Hussein: "I know what you're saying: 'Why elect the less-competent son of a former president?' Well, you guys did it...."


5.3.03 -- Amy Poehler as Madonna: "My day is like everyone else's: 2 hours of yoga, an hour of intense Kabalah study, followed by underwater Pilates, tea and scones, and a 3-hour argument with Guy Ritchie in the street. My children's Pilates, and I usually end the day by having a three-way with Sting and Trudie Styler."


5.10.03 -- Jimmy Fallon: "In London this summer, Microsoft will introduce the 'iLoo', the world's first public toilet with internet access. So go inside, log in, and log out."


5.17.03 -- Dan Aykroyd as Andrew Card: "The democrats' biggest problem is that no one recognizes their candidates. They need someone who's universally adored. The only shot they have is to lower the voting age to 6 and nominate Spongebob Squarepants."





And that's it for this season. Thanks for reading, and I hope to continue reviewing next season. CIAO.