Ashton Kutcher / 50 Cent
May 3, 2003
(COLD OPENING) President Bush addresses the military
- The applause changing from loud to minimal was pretty funny at first.
- Always good to see the Bush impression away from behind-the-desk.
- A one-joke bit and ran too long.
(MONOLOGUE) The Pantless Ashton Kutcher
- Ashton in his underwear was funny.
- Parnell's part was hilarious.
(COMMERCIAL) "Count Chocula Silver"
- This was just boring. Where was the funny?
- I almost couldn't recognize Jimmy under that make-up at first, but you could tell it was him when he started talking.
(SKETCH) Jarret's Room reloaded
- The swordfish joke.
- The "Sub-Gay" bit.
- The usual funny part with Jeff's character.
- Ashton's character got annoying by the end.
(SKETCH) "Madonna: A Dateline Special"
- Amy was great as Madonna, and has a lot of funny lines.
- Seth as Matt Lauer.
- Madonna's age getting older and older as the sketch went on.
- Was that Dean's voice as the guy in the audience who requested "Like a Virgin"?
- I'm surprised Ashton was given such a small part. And did anyone else notice that he looked a lot like one of the members of the SNL Band?
(NEXT WEEK) May 10, 2003: Adrien Brody
Should be good, just as long as we don't see another damn Wakefield sketch. I'm sure he'll at least be better than Renee Zellweger hosting again.
(SKETCH) Plagiarist students
- A nice, original sketch.
- Parnell was good as the teacher, and Ashton & the other castmembers were good as the lazy students, especially Seth.
- This had the same classroom set used in The Be Safe Gang with Sarah Michelle Gellar, and various other "school" sketches SNL has done in the past.
(WEEKEND UPDATE) Fallon & Fey, David Gest & Liza Minelli, Tracy Morgan, Patrick & Gunther Kelly
- Jimmy's SARS joke.
- Tracy's walk-on.
- Tina's Tommy Lee joke.
- Jimmy's sexual performance joke.
- Good to see the Kelly Brothers segment again. Fred & Forte's Update songs are always silly, but hilarious.
- Tina's Bush jokes.
- Tina's working dog joke.
- Tonight, the end-of-Update cameo guy takes Jimmy's pencil away while dressed up as a giant pencil.
(SKETCH) The Falconer vs. The Muskrateer
- Nice to see The Falconer again, and this was a good change to the format.
- The sight of the falcon and muskrat puppets playing board games together.
(MISCELLANEOUS) Ashton Kutcher gets Punk'd
- I always like these backstage segments with Tracy.
- Tracy's way of saying "HiLARious" cracks me up.
- The joke about a "Dude, Where's My Weed" sketch.
- Good to see Dean getting some attention as himself.
- Lorne's comments.
- I was watching this with Closed Captioning on, and noticed that instead of mentioning "Dude Where's My Weed", that line was captioned as "Sorry that your sketch, Big Black Guy got cut." They must've changed Ashton's line after dress, which is good since the "Dude" one turned out to be funnier.
(SKETCH) "Politics Today"
- Darrell's character was pretty funny.
- Tracy's lines.
- The Sharpe Talk segment.
- Darrell played Skeeter before in Extreme Hunting with Bill Paxton, so this marks another rare recurring character for him.
- You could see Darrell walk off-stage before the sketch ended.
(SKETCH) 50's Ent. performs at a prison
- Forte as the warden.
- This was weak; typical for this late in the show.
- Why did Kattan keep hitting Fred all throughout the sketch?
(COMMERCIAL) "Global Century Investments"
Disappointing that they closed the show with a repeat ad. They had enough time for at least a short sketch.
Overall Highlights of Tonight's Episode:
- Parnell in the monologue.
- Madonna: A Dateline Special.
- Plagiarist students.
- Fred and Forte's song on Weekend Update.
- The Falconer vs. The Muskrateer.
- Ashton Kutcher gets Punk'd.
- The cold opening running too long.
- Count Chocula Silver.
- Ashton in Jarret's Room.
- 50's Ent. performs at a prison.
- Ending the show with a repeat ad.
- Fred and Forte's Update song.
- Jimmy Fallon as Jarret: "We got 11 days until the most highly anticipated film event since Halle Berry flashed her nips in Swordfish."
- Amy Poehler as Madonna: "My day is like everyone else's: 2 hours of yoga, an hour of intense Kabalah study, followed by underwater Pilates, tea and scones, and a 3-hour argument with Guy Ritchie in the street. My children's Pilates, and I usually end the day by having a three-way with Sting and Trudie Styler."
- Seth Meyers as Matt Lauer: "Madonna: Sexy. Fearless. 80 years old, with a vagina closing in on 100."
- Jimmy Fallon: "This week, a spokesman for the World Health Organization said that 23 of 26 countries with SARS have the disease under control. Then a reporter coughed, and the spokesman jumped out the window."
- Tina Fey: "It was reported that rocker Tommy Lee split up with his fiancée, Mayte Garcia. Apparently, she had it up to here (pointing to the top of her chest)."
- Ashton Kutcher: "I'm sorry your sketch, Dude Where's My Weed? got cut out."
Tracy Morgan: "Ah, don't sweat it. I'll do it next week; it's perfect for Adrien Brody."
- Tracy Morgan: "I was flippin' around and I saw you on that show."
Ashton Kutcher: "Oh, That 70's Show!"
Tracy Morgan: "No, I don't watch that crap...."
- Tracy Morgan as Malcolm Parsdale: "If I was President Bush, I would use all of my money to buy 2 Bigfoot Trucks and glue them together so I can get into the Guinness Book of World Records. And I would make a movie about it starring those Miller Lite girls and a CGI Tupac."
CASTMEMBER COUNT DOWN:
DRATCH: 3 sketches (Count Chocula Silver; Plagiarist students; Global Century Investments)
FALLON: 5 sketches (Count Chocula Silver; Jarret's Room reloaded; Weekend Update; 50's Ent. performs at a prison; Global Century Investments)
FEY: 1 sketch (Weekend Update)
HAMMOND: 1 sketch (Politics Today)
KATTAN: 3 sketches (Weekend Update; 50's Ent. performs at a prison; Global Century Investments)
MORGAN: 4 sketches (Weekend Update; Ashton Kutcher gets Punk'd; Politics Today; 50's Ent. performs at a prison)
PARNELL: 5 sketches (President Bush addresses the military; Monologue; Plagiarist students; The Falconer vs. The Muskrateer; Global Century Investments)
POEHLER: 4 sketches (Madonna: A Dateline Special; Plagiarist students; Politics Today; Global Century Investments)
RUDOLPH: 4 sketches (Monologue; Weekend Update; Politics Today; Global Century Investments)
SANZ: 1 sketch (Jarret's Room reloaded)
ARMISEN: 5 sketches (Madonna: A Dateline Special; Weekend Update; Politics Today; 50's Ent. performs at a prison; Global Century Investments)
EDWARDS: 3 sketches (Madonna: A Dateline Special [?]; Ashton Kutcher gets Punk'd; Global Century Investments)
FORTE: 5 sketches (Count Chocula Silver; Weekend Update; The Falconer vs. The Muskrateer; 50's Ent. performs at a prison; Global Century Investments)
MEYERS: 4 sketches (Jarret's Room reloaded; Madonna: A Dateline Special; Plagiarist students; Global Century Investments)
RICHARDS: 1 sketch (Jarret's Room)
Jimmy, Parnell, Tracy, Fred, and Forte were the stars of the night. A lot of featured players dominated, and Forte in particular was hilarious as usual. As of lately, he is slowly making his way into being my favorite current castmember (right now only behind Tracy and Parnell). I hope he keeps it up.
Thanks for reading. SAYONARA.